The Mess: Struggling to Stick to a Workout Routine
I can’t stick to a workout routine. I recently shared this struggle with my husband. During 2020, I developed a disciplined routine of workouts. I really found my stride in daily yoga and eating healthy, but somehow over the last four years I have lost all of that discipline. I’m frustrated that even though I have more flexibility now than I did when I was teaching high school, I still can’t seem to consistently make my health a priority. Anybody else struggle with this?
Unpacking the Mess: Self-Gratitude
I think there are a couple messes at play here.
Mess #1: I Am Too Hard On Myself
Historically, I am way too hard on myself. My inner thoughts run the full gamut of…Why can’t I get motivated and wake up earlier? Why am I only producing one blog a week? Why didn’t I get the house clean today? Why can’t I stick to a workout routine? Self-gratitude is something I need to work on.
Mess #2: A Different Season of Life
I am in a different season of life. My husband lovingly pointed out that when I was “disciplined” I was also very passionate about working out. He reminded me that it was something that I loved doing and not something that I felt burdened to do. It was something that I got to do because I felt strongly that my physical health was key to my mental health and my mental health was a struggle for me during that time.
Mess #3: My Kids Are in Different Seasons Too
My kids are in different seasons of life now (this one also came from the hubby and at first I didn’t believe him). They are older now…like duh-shouldn’t that make it easier?? I have distinct memories of trying to downward dog over my 3 year old and keeping my fingers crossed that she wouldn’t throw something at my head during savasana. Aren’t we past that stage, I questioned? We are, but my girls are now involved in their own activities (so many conflicting schedules, read more here).
Recognizing Patterns and Finding Self-Gratitude
I think all of these are true, but they don’t really help me clean up the mess of my workout routine. They also don’t necessarily make me feel better. So I’m still too busy to workout even though I rearranged my entire career to have more flexibility? I no longer feel passionate about my physical health because my mental health is better? I no longer work out because my kids don’t fight me for my yoga mat?
Reflecting on all these “messes,” I see that I’m too hard on myself. And maybe, like me, you’re not giving yourself enough credit for the journey you’ve taken. I need to focus more on self-gratitude. I’m grateful for recognizing these patterns, even if my results look a bit messier than I’d hoped.
What challenges have I overcome?
Honestly, I have never been a “skinny girl.” I always had a curvier body and I always assumed it was eating too much. My body was a little plumpy because I loved food and I was happy with that. After a rocky love-hate relationship with my body during adolescence, I had finally settled on loving my body the way God created it. That is until after I gave birth to my first daughter.
My body felt foreign and I was at a loss on how to fix it. Limiting my food intake while caring for a newborn was not working…full stop. I couldn’t starve myself in order to lose weight and not lose my mind. This was doubly upsetting because I loved my body so much before my pregnancy and limiting my food intake was my only strategy to slim my body.
After several crying sessions and trips to the store to buy new clothes, my husband suggested I try something different that could make me feel good. I’m pretty sure he prefaced the conversation with don’t shoot me or don’t yell at me. Sitting next to the fireplace of the basement family room, he said “Maybe you could try out a personal trainer?” I didn’t shoot him or yell at him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted me to change. He told me on repeat daily that he loved my body, but at the time I didn’t love my body so his words didn’t carry any weight.
Finding Strength in the Journey to Self-Gratitude
I was terrified, but with more sessions, the awkwardness faded, and something started to happen in my body. I felt stronger. Having someone there to walk me through what exercises to do and encourage me in a gym full of strangers was exactly what I needed.
I felt confident. That season of my life marked the first time I took my physical health seriously. I honestly don’t remember the weight that I lost. All I remember is the strength I felt building in my body.
I remember how I continued to workout after my one-on-one sessions ended. I also remember going back to personal training for a workout routine that would safely see me through my second pregnancy.
I was learning, through each new change, to accept my body for its strength and resilience, not just its shape.
How have I grown as a person?
When I take the time to reflect, it helps me realize that it has been a whole journey to get to live in the body I currently have. I may not be religious in my workout routine, right now, but I am knowledgeable about what it takes to build strength in my body, which is not something I could say about my 20-year-old self. The scale might read a few more pounds than it did in the height of my disciplined workout routine of 20202, but the physical structure of my body has changed. My flexibility, even though I no longer do yoga everyday, is still far better than it was when I was in high school. I have to let myself feel self-gratitude for that.
What would you tell your younger self?
When I was younger, most positive “health” experiences I had were accidental or garnered through sports. I think the best physically I ever felt when I was an adolescent happened during my swim team seasons. It was during the winters that I had a routine of swim practices and long walks with friends. I achieved an “ideal” body weight for my 5’4″ frame, yet even that wasn’t good enough for my adolescent brain.
If I could speak to that sweet, young girl now, I would tell her to cherish the strength she is cultivating in her body and stop stepping on the scale.
It’s the same words I hear whispering in the back of my mind now. Love the strength that you’ve grown in your body. Stop stepping on the scale. Honor where your body is in this season.
Developing Self-Gratitude: Becoming Grateful for Who I Am
I’ve grown two whole freaking babies with this body and some parts of it are likely to never change without some surgery. Here’s what I’m learning, though: I am grateful for the woman I am becoming—not the one who obsesses about the number on the scale or the label in my jeans, but the one who is conscious of the ways she can make more intentional choices to be stronger, both physically and mentally.
Finding Grace in the Journey
Looking back, I can see that my relationship with my body was always evolving, from those early days of feeling my strength in swim practices to my post-pregnancy challenges. All this reflection doesn’t quite fix my mess, but it does help me find grace and be not only kind to myself, but grateful for the woman I am becoming. It gives me the words I need to honor the journey my body has taken.
Challenge for the Week: Embrace Gratitude and Grace
So, wonderful woman, give yourself the space this week to be grateful for the woman you are becoming. Develop some self-gratitude. Give yourself grace to honor the challenges you have overcome and the gains you have made, knowing that you are not done becoming.
Challenge for the week: Identify in area of your life in which you are being too hard on yourself. Maybe, like me, you are struggling to be consistent in your workout routine. Perhaps you are holding yourself to too high of a standard at work. Maybe you are criticizing yourself for not being a good friend or just not being enough.
In whatever area you’re holding onto a sense of “not enough,” find a moment to be grateful for who you’re becoming. Spend some time journaling on these questions and be grateful for the responses you are able to write down:
- What challenges have I overcome in this area?
- How have I grown as a person in this area?
- What would you tell your younger self if she were struggling in this area?
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