Conflicting Schedules

The old me would be overcome with anxiety and taken neither girl to their scheduled activity. Lies, the old me would never have signed the girls up for multiple activities in one season. In my first career when I taught high school, I ensured that conflicting schedules would never be an issue. Each child got one activity on separate nights. Inevitably when my husband was at work, I would have no problem transporting said child to their activity.

Pre-kid me wouldn’t have made any commitments in advance at all. I absolutely dreaded the days leading up to a scheduled event, so I would avoid committing to them at all costs. Anxiety is a bitch like that. It messes with your mind and makes you withdraw from things that could bring you joy. It’s definitely a hard battle. One that I’ve worked hard to overcome because my husband is a very social creature.

Overcoming Anxiety

The old me would stay home alone and read a good book. Bless my husband though, he is not the stay at home and reading type. Now don’t get me wrong, he likes to hang out around the house. He really thrives though on engaging with other people. In the beginning of our relationship, we struggled to navigate these differences in our personality types. After lots of communication, we came to better understand each other’s needs and found a place of compromise. Sometimes we stayed home and sometimes we went out.

During those times my anxiety got the better of me, he would hype me up and remind me that even though I don’t feel like going, I always enjoy being with other people. Even introverts need relationships with other people. Now after having kids and having a career where I work from home, I embrace activities and all the social interactions. It is not in my nature to be outgoing, but I do it anyways. Building connections with other people brings me joy and I like to believe that it brings others joy too.

Scheduling Values

So, what’s a woman to do when she finds herself with conflicting schedules? She has to weigh her options and decide what she values most. At this point in my life, family comes in at the top of that list, but also courage. I want most of all to instill a sense of courage in my girls. In order to do that, I have to show them what courage looks like. For me in this situation, courage looks like asking for me. I’ve always had this stigma in my brain that if I ask for help, I am failing. I know logically this is not true, but asking for help still feels uneasy. It’s silly because everyone needs help. Asking for help makes us stronger. What one person can accomplish is great, but what a community of people can accomplish is miraculous.

Graciously, my mother in law agreed to take my oldest daughter to her voice lesson and was happy to spend some quality time with her. This allowed me to take my youngest daughter to soccer practice and be fully present to see her excel. Not only did my feelings of anxiety over scheduling get swept away with one phone call, but I also brought my mother in law joy. People enjoy feeling useful and helping others. My mother in law got to spend time with her granddaughter and help our family. One of the greatest ways to find joy in helping others is to combine your passion and your time. Time is finite and how we spend it matters.

Scheduling Courage

In addition to demonstrating courage for my girls, I also try put them in situations where they can be courageous. Soccer is a childhood pastime for most adults, but for my youngest daughter it is something new. In the winter season her big sister played indoor soccer and at the time she wasn’t interested in joining at all. She has been dancing for 2 years and absolutely loves every minute of it.

In her words, she didn’t want to add another activity. Adding soccer into her schedule this spring was an act of courage for her and me, as it added another activity to our schedule and a new skill for her to learn. She’s danced with lots of other girls before, but she’s never relied on them for a team sport. Her dance studio is more like a family because most of the girls have spent the last two years together dancing.

Raising Strong Little Women

Her soccer team this year is with a group of girls she has never met before. Lucky for her, she is a social butterfly like her dada. Working together as a team to accomplish a goal is something new for her though. At first she wasn’t a fan of her soccer team, but after several practices she has grown to love the game and her team. She frequently yells out encouragement to her teammates and in her latest game she scored her first goal. She courageously continued. I could have convinced her to skip practice because it would have helped me avoid the scheduling conflict, but that would have taught her that it’s okay to quit when something is not convenient or when something is hard.

My oldest daughter enjoyed the time she got to spend with her grandmother and she got the chance to grow her talent and her courage. She has been taking voice lessons for the last two years. In that time she has grown her courage in performing. Recently she auditioned for a role in The Wizard of Oz at our local theater and happily accepted a role as a munchkin in the lullaby league. At 8 she is already far more courageous than I was and far more courageous than most people around her. She is excited to showcase her hard work and continues to perfect her talent.

De-conflicting Schedules

The mess of conflicting schedules always exists in our lives. Even when I think I have everything planned out to perfection, I quickly discover my plan is flawed. My husband has signed up to work overtime and my carefully laid out schedule is wrecked. Instead of panicking and raging out against my husband, I find my courage and ask for help. Sometimes it comes in the form of grandparents excited to spend time with their grandchildren and other times it comes in the form of friends taking their children to similar activities.

Being a courageous and willing participant in activities of my children and my own, has helped me find an excellent tribe of women. Women who are always willing to help me, whether it be with taking my girls to their activities or helping me figure out my mental health. When I make time for building up my family and friendships, I find my tribe accomplishing something miraculous, something that transcends time and the conflicts that it brings.

Strong women need other strong women.