When is the first time you felt embraced by a community? For me, it was during the summers of my youth on walks home from the pool.
“Mama, how are you doing that? Aren’t your feet burning?“
No sweetie peatie, my feet aren’t burning at all. In fact, back in my day, we used to choose to walk barefoot on hot asphalt, just for fun.
The Original Asphalt Challenge
What is the asphalt challenge you say? Well. This was a fun game that my childhood friends and I would play where we would walk barefoot on the hot summer road. The goal? See who could last the longest before bailing into the grass.
I don’t know if you have ever walked on asphalt in the summer, but it is HOT especially with bare feet.
Why would anyone engage in such behavior?
On this day, my littlest and I were adventuring from the house to the driveway to grab packages. We left through a door that surprisingly didn’t have a pile of shoes next to it. Today’s asphalt challenge was out of necessity.
More Than Burnt Feet
The asphalt challenges of my youth though? Those were born out of a sheer need for us to prove our strength and bravery. At least that’s what I thought at the time. It felt like that’s what we were trying to do, but now looking back I know it was something more.
It was how we built community. Yes our friendship was built playing Marco Polo and Colors in the pool, but our bond was forged on the hot asphalt.
Who Walks Beside You Now?
Funny how even now, decades later, I still find myself walking through fire and still craving someone beside me, community.
Pause and ask yourself: Who are the people in your life who have walked with you through the fire? Have you told them lately how much that mattered?
You see, the bestest of friends challenge us and push us to be better.
Now I don’t know that burning your feet on hot asphalt actually makes a kid better…but it certainly taught us about perseverance.
Being the one to make it all the way down the street without bailing into the grass, made you feel invincible. The only thing better? Doing it and having someone complete the challenge with you. That made the experience ten times better because then you had someone who shared the strength and bravery with you.
It’s one thing to go through a challenge by yourself. It feels empowering, but there is a little voice whispering in the back of your brain: Was it really that hard? Self-doubt tells you no. It was easy and anyone could have done it, but when you have someone who actually went through the challenge with you? Well, then you have someone who knows exactly the pain that you went through and when the self-doubt starts to creep in? And they remind you just how much of a badass you really are
In case you need a reminder today. You are a badass and would most certainly survive the asphalt challenge.
Modern Asphalt Looks Different
I know this because our asphalt challenges look different these days. Harder even. They’re not blistering feet but they’re invisible labor, healing from trauma, starting over, speaking up in rooms not built for us, walking away from what no longer serves us. They’re chasing big dreams while still packing lunches.
You have been forged in a fire hotter than asphalt in the summer. Even if you don’t have a buddy who completed the challenge with you, you can still invite someone in to witness the strength it took to withstand the burning feet.
90s Summers Hit Different
I highly doubt kids today endure the asphalt challenge. Back in the 90’s we didn’t own crocs. Crocs weren’t a thing and we didn’t wear flip flops to the babysitters house, we wore tennis shoes. Tennis shoes were a necessity because while we never knew what the day would bring, we knew it would require durable footwear.
Swimming was an absolute treat and not something that we got to do everyday. Most days we played our hearts out in the backyard; playing olden times or scavengers. We made intricate potions as witches and diplomatically voted on our next great adventure, every time the game we played crumbled into anarchy.
What We’re Really Missing
Summer always makes me nostalgic for those times. I used to think it was the lack of responsibility that I missed. The slower days where we had nothing but play to concern ourselves with. I think the nostalgia comes from something else entirely though.
It’s the bonded friendship that my soul misses. The champion who walked beside me during the asphalt challenge. The friends who knew exactly the fire I had walked through and had walked through it themselves. The summer community we built through days of play.
Choosing Growth, Even When It’s Uncomfortable
If you’re feeling like you’ve been walking alone lately, consider reaching out. Send a text. Join a group. Say yes to that coffee. Invite someone in, even if it feels vulnerable. That’s where the magic starts.
I’m realizing now in my 30’s that community and friendship enrich my life. It’s not just an added bonus, it is essential to my life. I’m still seeking new ways to build communities, so I can feel supported for any challenge that life throws my way.
After the parent dance (read about that fun adventure here), I felt so full in my heart and strong in my body. Just like the asphalt challenge, it felt uncomfortable at first, but something shifted when I wasn’t doing it alone. Together, we laughed, stumbled, and tried again. That’s where the growth happened. So, this year I challenged myself by signing up for the adult dance class they offer at the dance studio my daughters go to.
Am I going to become a star dancer because I’m taking it? No. But I am going to have a consistent habit of moving my body every week and I think that will help me stay motivated for my other fitness goals. I know I am also going to try something new and hard surrounded by a community of women who are doing the same thing. I may even gain some deeper friendships out of it.
The Power of Female Friendship
Jane Fonda said “Friendship between women is different than friendship between men. I think that is one reason why women live longer than men. We talk about different things. We delve deep. We go under, even if we haven’t seen each other for years. There are hormones that are released from women to other women that are healthy and do away with the stress hormones … It’s my women friends that keep starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be. We have to just hang together and help each other.”
So wonderful woman, take five minutes today and write down one moment you survived the heat and what it taught you. Who was with you then? Who do you want with you now for the next asphalt challenge you undertake? Who is in your community?
So the next time the road feels hot and endless, remember:
You’ve already walked through the fire.
And you don’t have to walk (or dance) alone.
Try This:
Journal prompt: What’s one “asphalt challenge” you’ve overcome recently? Who helped you through it—or who could?
Reach out:
Text someone who walked beside you. Thank them. Or invite someone new in.
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