To fix today’s mess, we are going to explore self-care during transitions and not in the way you might think.
The Mess: Shift Work and Constant Transitions
The Mess: The terrible tightness that constricts my chest towards the evening when my husband is at work. Shift work, like I’ve talked about before, is insane. It is a lifestyle and not for the faint of heart. I’m a creature who thrives on habit and that is a hard feat when our schedule is consistently inconsistent. The lack of routine was so much easier before we had small children. Small children who required so much time, attention, entertainment, intervention, meals, homework help, taxi driver services…literally anything and everything you want to add to this list, it’s a requirement.
The Challenge of Transitions
You’ve probably experienced something similar even if you don’t have a husband on a shift work schedule. Changes in routine have a way of triggering stress. The only thing consistent in life is change. Your transition into a new beginning could look like a new job, a new home, a new relationship. Maybe the kiddos are going back to school and the extracurricular activities are ramping up. New beginnings are exciting, but there is something about the transition period that stirs up discomfort and even fear.
My Own Transition Struggles
All of this brings me to my current dilemma, the tightness in my chest that won’t quit. It usually comes when I’ve been the one person for everything my girls need in the last 24+ hours. It is hard to maintain balance during transitions and shift work puts us in a constant state of transitions.
In the beginning, I tried to mitigate it by creating “consistent-schedules” based on the shift work schedule. I tried to tell myself and my husband that we just needed structure and rules based on his shift schedule. In my brain this sounded like a solid plan. I loved the thought of having a plan for the inconsistent weekend and weekday availability.
Inevitably though, my “consistent-schedule” would get broken. The addition of an overtime shift leading up to his shift day or additional overtime following his shift day.
Constant State of Transition
I was trying to plan for the unplannable and it didn’t bring me any solace or comfort. I found myself in a constant state of transition. The uncertainty of what each day would bring and my inability to control it left me filled with anxiety. The cycle felt like I was running on a treadmill that never stopped whose speed was just a little faster than my legs could handle. It wasn’t sustainable and it often left me tripping and falling or crying on the kitchen floor, while my girls looked on in horror as I tried to stifle the tears and get them ready for bed.
Shew. That’s a lot. Maybe that’s not your story and maybe it has never been a part of your experience. I’m sure though that you have found yourself in a transition period of life. Transitions where the uncertainty and loss of control has sent you spinning.
Finding a Support System
Transitions are hard. I’ve found that one of the most helpful things that keeps me from spinning is having the right support system around me. I’ve written before about the amazing people we have who help us when we are in a jam [conflicting schedules]. I’ve learned lots of tools in therapy too that help me stay grounded. So I don’t get to the place where I’m not crying on the kitchen floor.
Rethinking Self-Care During Transitions
One of the best things I learned to do for myself was Self-Care during transitions. I’m not talking about a spa day or a massage, although I do love both of those things, especially when I get to do them with friends. Similarly, this type of self-care is not that one pedicure you “treat” yourself to when you’re feeling low. It’s not even vegging out on the couch binge. Snacking and watching the latest episodes of Love is Blind. [all things I used to do in the name of self-care]
Don’t get me wrong these are all wonderful things to do to make yourself feel special and well loved. My struggle however is that they would only happen for me when I had extra time or money. I treated them like something I had to earn instead of something I deserved.
My husband’s work schedule puts us in a consistent state of transition. It doesn’t allow me to book a spa day once a month unless I put in some hard work and careful planning. Cue all the feelings of having to earn it.
Shifting the Self-Care Mindset
I needed self-care during transitions that I didn’t feel like I had to earn. In order for that to happen I had to shift my mind and maintain balance while embracing change. The only thing I can rely on to be consistent is change. Inconsistency is the schedule of my life. Finding that balance and being more open to change has helped me find peace.
My Self-Care During Transition Rituals
Now when I feel the tightness welling in my chest, I ask Alexa to put on country love songs. They remind to love my husband even though he’s not home to help me with the latest mess my girls have created. I also ask Alexa to play Taylor Swift to get me pumped up to dance around the kitchen and clean. She will also play the Vitamin String Quartet to soothe me while I’m pushing through a tedious task at work.
Something I found on my quest in rediscovering my identity was my passion for music. Singing brings me fulfillment, so a form of self-care I have adopted is listening to music and singing along. If you are saying to yourself, well duh? I know right, but sometimes it is the simple things done with intention that make a huge difference. The simple things are also the easiest to overlook.
Now whenever my husband goes to work for his shift, I intentionally plan a piece of self-care. It’s 20 minutes of reading a romance novel with under eye patches while laying in my bed.
It’s lighting a candle in the morning and sighing at the good smell. It wafts into the air every time I walk by it during the day. It reminds me to breathe deep and stay peaceful.
It’s engaging in something creative like a junk journal that my best friend keeps raving about.
Finding Your Own Self-Care
Bottom line: find something that soothes your soul. Do it intentionally, especially if you find yourself in a season of transition.
Readers are leaders and all that jazz, so I even picked up this book at my local library Self Care for the Real World Book. I read it because I didn’t know where to start and I was not disappointed. I read it cover to cover because I’m a self-help book junkie like that. These wonderful women authors broke it down into easy to understand chapters. Maybe you just need to pick one like “Creating a Nurturing Environment” and soak up tips to try.
Embrace Self-Care Without Earning It
Self-care during transition is a gamechanger. I encourage you to experiment and find the versions of self-care that work for you. Consider physical activities like morning yoga or a peaceful walk outside. Consider nourishing your body with a cozy cup of tea and doing nothing but enjoying it. Maybe it’s your mind that needs to shut off; try a 5 minute meditation to calm your brain.
So, wonderful woman, embrace some daily self-care that works for you because you deserve it, no earning required.
Where are my self-care queens? Comment below with one of your favorite self-care techniques
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