Today’s mess: Lacking a growth mindset.
Have you ever struggled with the fear of inadequacy? Developing a growth mindset could help. You know what you want. You feel deep in your soul the type of woman you are meant to be, but you find yourself stuck. My girls and I have been through some seasons of struggling to get unstuck when we’re in a mental block.
The Gymnastics Dilemma: Reagan’s Mental Block
The mess-Reagan can’t get her front walkover. Amongst the 20 million activities it feels like my children do (and why I let them do it), gymnastics holds a spot on Saturday mornings. If you don’t know or have never watched gymnastics, a front walkover is when a gymnast begins a handstand, transitions her legs into a split, lands briefly in a bridge on one foot, and then stands up to land vertically again. Complicated I know, but the crazy part is Reagan was doing all of the hard parts flawlessly. It was the standing it up part at the end that she couldn’t master.
Girlfriend can handstand into splits mid-air and land in a bridge strongly with one leg in the air. After landing in a bridge on one foot, she would hold it and then crumble to the floor. As I watched her crumble again and again, I knew this wasn’t about her strength. It was about her ability to believe that she could complete the skill. Something in her brain told her it was impossible.
How many times have we stopped ourselves from doing something because we thought it was impossible?
I’m too old to try something new.
I’m too far in my career to start over.
I’m too out of touch to be a part of this.
The Paralyzing Power of Self-Doubt
These impossibilities get louder when we are faced with people who have overcome the part we struggle with or people who have more knowledge in the new area than we do. The old adage, “everyone has to start somewhere comes to mind,” but it doesn’t do a lot to quell the fears of inadequacy.
A Year of Grit: The Journey to Success with a Growth Mindset
For Reagan, it was watching her best friend prep for her aerial that hit her the hardest. Her bestie had mastered standing up her front walkover with perfect technique, so she moved up in skill level. Reagan wanted that. She wanted to keep mastering skills. That’s what kept her coming back to the mat. There were lots of tears during practice and even more after practice. There were times when she wanted to quit, but we encouraged her to keep pushing. Her passion and perseverance carried her through a year of working to perfect this very difficult move. Finally a year after working and slowly building her confidence, she crushed it and got to write her name on the wall her coach uses to inspire other students.
The Research on Grit: Why It Matters
Reagan overcame the mental block with sheer grit. It wasn’t her predisposition for athleticism that helped her. It was her passion and perseverance for that long term goal of moving up in skill level that got her there. There is a lot to be said for grit. Grit-Angela Duckworth Angela Duckworth completed extensive research on the subject and found that grit is the greatest indicator of success. So whenever the “too-olds” and “not-enoughs” start to swirl in my brain, I loop back to grit. Grit. With grit and God, we can do all things.
So how do we work to overcome mental blocks of feeling inadequate? For me, it has to start with passion and a growth mindset. B.B. King said “The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.” The simplicity and truth of that statement lit up my soul when I completed my master’s program for teaching, so much so that I hung the quote next to my desk for the entirety of my career. It was an excellent reminder for my students and helped them find their “why” for learning things that seemed inapplicable to their life (read this to discover the importance of your why). I would remind them that it is not what they are learning, but developing the skill of learning they were working towards. When you practice how to learn, no one can take that skill away from you.
Facing My Own Mental Block: The Theater Mom Challenge
This is what I had to remind myself when I came face to face with my own mental block. Riley, my oldest daughter, auditioned to be in our local theater’s production of The Wizard of Oz. She was elated when the call came in that said she earned the role of a munchkin in the lullaby league. As parents we were so excited for her, but in the beginning my apprehension over being an inadequate theater mom had me staying home more with Reagan, than going to the theater for practices with Riley.
Walking into the rehearsal hall of our local theater with Riley sent me into a terribly fixed mindset of not being knowledgeable enough about the theater world. When I looked around the cast and other parents who accompanied their munchkins, I was immediately hit with the sinking feeling that everyone knew more than me. They all knew exactly what rehearsal was like and the unspoken expectations of what was to come. Riley, my vivacious 9 year old, had no problems with the unknown. She happily twittered around and made friends with everyone.
I, on the other hand, slipped into a place of reserve. I found myself withdrawing and sitting in the back, silently watching and observing. There is nothing wrong with observation, but spiraling into a place of withdrawal will never help me feel more equipped. Sitting in inaction left me paralyzed. An introvert by nature, I didn’t fill the time by chit chatting with other parents. I spent practice time withdrawn, watching and reading the latest book on my TBR list. I tried to keep myself small and out of the way for fear of accidentally doing the wrong thing unknowingly causing disruptions.
From Fixed to Growth Mindset: My Shift in Perspective
As practices became more frequent, I found myself becoming more engaged with other parents. Riley encouraged [forced] me to get the numbers of parents so she could stay in contact with her friends, which in turn led to them texting me and sharing information. Weeknight practices soon led to weekend practices, which later required much more support from the parents in attendance. Hi, it’s me, I’m the parent. In an effort to help support Riley, I ended up signing up to help backstage for just about every performance.
My passion in watching Riley thrive while learning something new, drove me to not just help out, but to become an asset and helper to not just my own munchkin but all the munchkins and cast. Once I started helping, I felt my heart soar over living out a purpose of mine that I forgot had existed. While I was teaching in my former profession, I lived out this passion everyday and felt fulfilled. Leaving the teaching profession left that gap for helping people achieve. Stepping into the uncomfortable social situation helped me remember that I have the power to learn new things and be successful in them.
At the conclusion of the show run, we said see you later to a lot of amazing friends we made during this experience. While cast, crew, and parents flittered here and there to help with strike (deconstructing the set), one of Riley’s friends pulled her aside and showed her a beautiful tradition at our local theater-signing her name. “Riley Taylor: My First Show.” A beautiful end to a whirlwind experience.
Overcoming Mental Blocks: The Powerful Journey of a Growth Mindset
Watching Reagan finally nail her front walkover and Riley bloom in her theater role has reminded me that overcoming our mental blocks is a powerful journey. It’s not just about reaching the finish line but embracing the messy, beautiful process along the way. The fears of being too old, too inexperienced, or not good enough are real, but they don’t have to define us.
Turning Fear into Fuel: The Importance of Persistence
In case you need it, here’s your reminder: growth comes from persistence and a growth mindset. It’s about showing up, even when you feel like an imposter, and continuing to push forward despite the doubts.
Grit and perseverance get you where you want to be. Turn your fears into fuel and transform obstacles into opportunities for growth.
The next time those “too old” or “not enough” thoughts start swirling, remember that grit and passion can turn those doubts into milestones. Keep moving forward, embracing the journey with all its ups and downs, and celebrating every bit of growth along the way. Every little piece counts.
Celebrating Small Wins: The Power of Daily Accomplishments
After some sound advice from my therapist, I started writing down 3 reasons to celebrate “me” everyday. 3 specific “accomplishments” from the last 24 hours that are helping me push towards my long term goal. Sometimes my accomplishments are big. Publishing a new blog post. Other times they are small. Breathing deeply when I got overstimulated by the girls.” Something about intentionally writing down accomplishments helps me hold myself accountable to do something every day that requires grit.
Striving vs. Surviving: Embracing the Messy Process of Growth
It helps me, as well, find grace when my day is more about surviving instead of striving. When I find myself in survival mode, I can still make intentional choices that align with my long term goals.
So, wonderful woman whether you are striving or surviving, remember that growth is messy. Give yourself grace because with passion and perseverance will accomplish your goals.
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