The Mess: Unhappiness, but not really knowing why. Maybe you are creating a new vision for your life, but don’t know it. If you’ve read my home page, you know that I left the world of teaching to gain a better family life balance. Mission accomplished, but still something is missing. I found myself listless, languishing, lethargic. Lacking a sense of purpose. My marriage is good. My kids are good. Me? Not so much. I felt gray.
The Duality of Teaching: Love and Exhaustion
The dilemma I faced was the career in teaching that sucked so much life out of me, also lit me up inside. I loved planning lessons and finding new, creative ways to inspire students to learn. My teacher friends still call to chit chat and I love to hear the fun things they are doing in their classrooms. I miss the daily use of creativity and the chance to inspire.
I have talked extensively with my husband and close friends about the risks of leaving teaching and starting a new career. Losing a sense of fulfillment was definitely at the top of my list. My friends suggested I tutor or volunteer at schools, but those suggestions only made my chest tight. The thought of involving myself in school culture raised too many red flags in my subconscious, so I poured myself into enriching the lives of my girls. This was a great outlet for a year or so, but after some time I still found myself gray.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my girls and I still do things to enrich their lives and friendships. I am forever grateful that my new career gives me that family work life balance I had been craving, but then I got a phone call that made me question everything.
A Call That Changed Everything: Caelen Carson’s NFL Dream
It was late April and the 2024 NFL Draft had just finished. My bestie teacher who taught next door to my classroom called me in the afternoon and my stomach dropped because I thought something was wrong. She wouldn’t be calling while teaching her class unless something big was going down. I blew out a relieved sigh when I heard the smile in her voice as she said “Ms. Taylor, I have someone here who wants to speak to you.”
Caelen Carson was one of the goofiest, livelist kids I taught in 10th grade 7 years ago. Heart of gold too. He played football for our North Point High School eagles and all of his friends called him Los. Setting down the law that I was his teacher and not his friend, I refused to call him Los and always loudly called him Calen, especially when I saw him in the hallways. He would laugh back at me and say “Ms. Taylor, I’m going to remember you when I’m in the NFL” and then yell to anyone who could hear “that’s my favorite teacher.”
A Little Black Dress Moment: Impact Beyond the Classroom
The passion for his dream was real and he told anyone who would listen about it. I had a lot of students over the years tell me that they’re dream was to go to the NFL, but Caelen is my one student I had who actually did it. He came back to North Point to visit his former coaches and wandered his way up to my old classroom to say hi. My bestie called so he could speak to me, since I no longer teach there. I was able to share with him how proud I was of him for hustling after his dream and getting drafted by the Dallas Cowboys. We chatted and joked for a few minutes and then he brought tears to my eyes when he said “You always were my favorite teacher.”
This is what me and my bestie would call “A Little Black Dress Moment”, inspired by a devotional I had shared with her years before. The long and the short of teaching is that most times you never know the impact you have on the kids that you teach.
Caelen says I was his favorite teacher, but it is his passion and perseverance that got him to the place where he is today, living out his dream and playing in the NFL. It was beyond special that I got to hear from him and it kept a smile on my face for days. So special in fact that I had a moment of panic. Did I make the right decision in leaving teaching? Or was this a sign that I should have never left? It was time I started creating a better vision for my future.
Questioning My Path: Should I Have Stayed in Teaching?
I took some days to ponder and discuss with my husband, but I finally decided that stepping back into teaching wasn’t going to bring me light. Instead of questioning my life choices, I took the call from Caelen as a spark of inspiration. I needed a dream like Caelen. Something that would lit up my soul and keep me pushing forward. Something that was just for me.
The Gray Season: Navigating Life’s Transitions
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a gray season of life. Change can be like that.
Finding Fulfillment Beyond the Wedding Bliss
Post marriage-the planning, the dress, the wedding, the honeymoon, the presents, the love. It is such a beautiful build up and then it is over and you get to spend your days in newly-wedded bliss. Maybe being a wife gives you fulfillment, but maybe you want something more for your marriage. Possibly something different than what your parents had or what your friends have.
You’ve got the love, the companionship, the life you built together. But maybe you’re sitting there things, ‘Wait, why do I still feel like something’s missing?’ It’s not that you don’t love your partner or your life together, but what if you’re craving something just for you—something that lights up your own soul, separate from the beautiful life you’ve created with someone else?
When the Excitement Fades and Purpose Feels Elusive
Post graduation-the assignments, the grades, the parties, the ceremony. It is all such a rush and then you are shipped out to college or the workforce. Maybe you find fulfillment in your work or in your new job, but maybe you still have a yearning for something that hasn’t come yet. A purpose gnawing in your subconscious that hasn’t had the time to voice itself.
You have been thrust into the real world and suddenly all the excitement fades, and you’re sitting there wondering, ‘Is this it?’ Maybe you’ve landed your dream job, but there’s still this little nagging feeling like something is off, like you’re supposed to be doing more, or at least something different. What happens when the thrill of it all quiets down and you’re left with the question of what your purpose is now?
Rediscovering Yourself as Motherhood Evolves
Post kids-the pregnancy, the celebration, the birth, the toddler years. One of life’s most beautifulest miracles. The days are long but the years are short and suddenly your entire world is wrapped around those little fingers. Maybe being a mom brings you greater fulfillment than you have ever known, but maybe as they go to school and you start to breathe again, you are left wondering what is there for me.
Motherhood is hands-down one of the most fulfilling experiences ever. But as the kids grow and you start to catch your breath, there’s this little voice that whispers, ‘What about me?’ It’s not that being a mom isn’t enough, but maybe you’re feeling like you’ve lost sight of the things that used to make you, you. The woman who had dreams, passions, and goals—those things don’t just disappear because you’re a mom. Maybe now’s the time to figure out what those dreams look like in this new chapter of life.
Asking the Big Questions: Creating a New Vision
It’s time to start asking the big questions.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
What does your typical day look like?
Who do you spend your time with?
What makes you feel fulfilled and lights up your soul?
How can the messy process of transformation help?
Writing It Down: The Power of Committing to Your Dreams
There are so many visualization techniques available out there(Future Self Visualization, Figuring Out Who You Want to Be, Meet Your Future Self). Find one that works for you, but most importantly, write it down. Those dreams that you have for yourself matter and writing them down is the first step to help you put them into action. Physically writing down your dream will help you commit and actively remember what you are striving towards.
Studies show that physically writing things by hand helps with learning and memory. This study says that “People are increasingly delegating thought processes to digital devices, an act called ‘cognitive offloading‘—using smartphones to remember tasks, taking a photo instead of memorizing information or depending on a GPS to navigate.“ We do this because it seems helpful at the time. My students used to beg to take pictures of notes or homework assignments in class instead of actually writing them down. I always made them write it, because I believe that writing is thinking on paper. Not writing means less work for our brains, the study goes on to suggest that “If we’re not actively using these areas, then they are going to deteriorate over time, whether it’s memory or motor skills.”
Avoiding Emotional Offloading: Staying Engaged With Your Passion
I feel like we practice this ineffective cognitive offloading with our emotions as well. If we constantly offload our happiness, fulfillment, and daily lives to what is easier, then we will deteriorate. Instead of doing something with the passion that is pushing to get air, we quell it with binge watching netflix. Instead of figuring out what is missing in our own personal happiness, we dull it with wine (or your favorite alcoholic drink).This is why feeling gray and dull comes into play. When I think back on Caelen’s time in my class and at North Point, it’s not his academic career or his football career that I remember. It is his spirit and passion. He has always been fiery. His joy for life and aspirations for his future were so bright that they lit him up from the inside out.
Channeling Caelen’s Spirit: Getting Fired Up for the Future
After speaking with him, I let his inspiration take spark with my current life and spent a week brainstorming out all the greatness that I wanted for my future. I am creating a new vision for my new future post teaching and I’m excited for it. If you haven’t given yourself the time to dream for the future, highly recommend it.
Dream and Plan: Backward Design for Creating a Better Vision
Then, whatever you’re dreaming, make a plan for it. Start from the end and work your way backwards. In the teaching world we called this pedagogical approach “Backward Design.” When you start with the end dream in mind, you can set up the mini goals you need to get there. In the wise words of Katherine Patterson, “A dream without a plan is just a wish.”
Struggle with goal setting? Try this technique I used with my students at the start of new calendar years. Instead of New Year resolutions, we made SMART Goals. I would pass out index cards and ask them to write them with flair and pizazz, so everyday when they looked at it, they would be inspired. Give it a try.
The Next Ten: Making the Best of Every Decade
Years ago while listening to a podcast my husband suggested, Leadership Under Fire, I heard a firefighter speak about choosing to make “The next ten the healthiest years of your life.” For some reason, it really shook me that day. It made me realize that the passing of time ages our bodies. Eventually, we are no longer able to do what we could before, unless we work at it really hard. It made me sit up and think about the next 10 years. What did I want it to look like? And the next 10 years after as well.
It’s Never Too Late to Dream
I want to walk into this new beginning with the intention of being the healthiest I can be. When the next set of 10 years come up, I can embrace them with the momentum I’ve gained.
Get fiery like Caelen for your future. It is never too late to dream. Remember give yourself grace.
So, wonderful woman, dream and take the time to put your dream into action. You deserve happiness for the next 10 years and the 10 years after that.
Leave a Reply