Today’s mess: comparison fatigue and the gut-sinking feeling of not being enough. I’m a firm believer that almost anything can be overcome with personal growth and learning, but it is hard to get there.
Understanding Comparison Fatigue: The Silent Confidence Killer
It is easy to scroll through social media in the comfort of your own home and suddenly feel like your life is not enough. In a world before social media, we compared ourselves to images on tv and magazines, maybe some of the other women in our social circles. This kind of comparison was hard for women, but social media has made it even harder. If you’re anything like me, the constant highlight reels of real people you know can make comparison even more difficult to swallow.
What’s a girl to do when she’s feeling the drains of comparison fatigue?
“I decided I needed a makeover, except this time, I’d makeover my soul.”
Cher Horowitz, Clueless
Okay, where are my millennial babies at? Tell me that you remember in full detail Alicia Silverstone’s epic performance as Cher in Clueless. There are so many things I absolutely loved about this movie when I watched it in my youth. I love to rewatch it even now as an adult. I won’t bore you with all the nitty gritty details, but if you know, you know. #bookloversunite
One scene that always stuck with me is when Cher and Tai make plans to better themselves by “reading one nonschool book a week.” Something in my soul identified with the notion that women could empower themselves and each other. Throw in reading books based on self improvement and I was hooked. Super cheesy and far too deep for a rom com, but I believe it all the same. I’m willing to bet some of you secretly have an affinity for Cher as well, after all Clueless is a cult-classic.
The Social Media Trap: When Highlight Reels Become Monets
It’s iconic and it is a beautiful representation of the comparison world before social media. I like to believe that Cher would be the type of person to shun social media from her life or at the very least restrict it, because it’s messy. Without any self-imposed restrictions social media can send any woman down a rabbit hole of consuming content that could potentially knock her off her square and cause her to question her confidence. Cue comparison fatigue alone on your couch after binge scrolling.
So, how did the iconic Cher handle comparison? After her bestie, Tai, saw the guy she liked with another girl, she asked Cher “Do you think she’s pretty?” To which Cher responded, “No, she’s a full-on Monet”.
- Tai: What’s a monet?
- Cher: It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.
Tai struggled with comparing herself to another girl which made her question her self confidence.
Lessons from Cher: A Soul Makeover for the Modern Woman
The difference between us and Tai? Tai had Cher, her bestie, who helped her put her fears at ease and later rebuild her confidence. The highlight reels on social media are full-on Monet’s. From far away they look attractive, but most times those perfect moments are a big old mess in real life.
Maybe you have a bestie who helps build you up, but I doubt she is with you every second you are scrolling social media. I found myself struggling with comparison fatigue a lot in 2019 and more so in 2020. That’s where personal growth and learning came in. So, in the words of Cher “I decided I needed a makeover, except this time, I’d makeover my soul.” As cute and as catchy as the quote is, rebuilds are never easy. Read about taking the first steps of embracing in the chaos.
I chose to get intentional about how I spent my time. I worked to check social media notifications less and pour into things I loved more. Things that made me feel energized instead of fatigued. When you spend time doing things that enrich your life, you will have less time to compare yourself to others. Being a former English teacher, one of my favorite ways to find personal growth is through reading, but there are lots of avenues on the path to personal growth and learning. Documentaries, movies, blogs, online courses.
From Comparison Fatigue to Fulfillment: The Power of Personal Growth
In my path to a soul makeover, I decided to try a book that was outside my normal scope of romance novels (shocking given my movie choice, I know). My husband had recently attended a leadership conference where they were encouraged to read “Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action” by Simon Sinek. I wasn’t really interested in leadership at the time, but the more I read the book, the more I saw myself as a leader in the classroom.
I first read this book in 2019 by listening to it on Audible, but I recently listened to it again after the president of my company mentioned it as part of his business plan. A secret thrill ran through me at having already read a book my boss said was important to the structure of our company. It also clicked for me why I love working at this new company so much.
The premise of Sinek’s book is that when a company or a person starts with why they are doing something, they have the ability to inspire people around them.
Starting with Why: Finding Purpose Beyond Comparison
While at first glance this book seems to be written for Entrepreneurs and Marketing Managers, it really is for anyone who is striving to find purpose. I identified with it as a teacher and in my second read through I identified with it even more as a woman struggling during a time of transition.
I needed the reminder that “Most of us live our lives by accident–we live it as it happens. Fulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose.” My professional life as a teacher brought me lots of fulfillment. Underneath my work in the classroom was my deeper “why.” I taught everyday with the desire to change lives and make an impact. Hearing Sinek’s words reminded me that while I was working hard at my new profession, I was just taking life as it happened in my passions. When I left teaching, I let go of the intentional way I lived my life because I didn’t have a way to live my purpose out daily.
Embrace Your Leadership: Guiding Your Own Journey
I’m working to rediscover my dream and my passion after leaving teaching. That means not letting myself fall victim to comparison fatigue. This season I’m going to put the words of Simon Sinek into action. “We achieve more when we chase the dream instead of the competition.”
I’m no longer a teacher, but I’m still a leader. It took me a while and lots of conversations with a therapist to realize that I am still a leader with a purpose. I just had to find a new outlet (hence starting this blog). If you find yourself reading my blog, I’m willing to bet you are a leader too. Women find themselves in leadership roles all the time even if they aren’t labeled as such. If you still doubt me, please know that you are a leader in your own life. My greatest hope is that you realize that and find personal growth in what brings you fulfillment.
It is back to school season for my girls and this is the first year that I no longer feel a horrible sense of dread in my stomach. Even after my first year at my new job, August still filled me with anxiety and fear that all was not right. After ten years of prepping for the first day back to school, I struggled to shut it off the feelings that told me I wasn’t ready. Without the tightness of anxiety squeezing the breathe from my chest, I am able to walk into this back to school season with joy for new beginnings-for my girls and for myself.
Chasing Dreams, Not Competition: The Path to True Fulfillment and Out of Comparison Fatigue
I challenge you to do the same this back to school season, even if no one is your life is actually going back to school. Take yourself back to school on finding joy in the things you love.
What is your dream?
What brings your joy?
Where do you want to grow in your life?
What is actually stopping you?
Consider this: Would you let your best friend get sucked into feeling bad about herself because she scrolled her ex’s social media for an hour? “As if!” You would pull her away and help her rebuild her confidence. So, don’t let yourself fall into comparison fatigue by accidentally scrolling social media for hours either. Lean in to the dream you want to chase.
Your Daily Choices: Aligning Intentions with Actions
I leave you with these final words by Sinek, “Our choices reveal our intentions.” Consider the daily choices that you make and if they align with your intentions. So, wonderful woman, when you are struggling to take the next step on your journey, remind yourself of why you started in the first place. Know your why. Write it down. Let all that you do be in line with your intention.
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